i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
