WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
