Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
