She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
