Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
