Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
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