Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
