I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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