did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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