help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
