How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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