fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
