Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
