oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
