if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
