i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wanna passion pit in your ass
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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