Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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