You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
