thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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