Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Randomize
