I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
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