Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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