It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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