Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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