I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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