that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
