not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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