no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I need to calm my uterus...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
