Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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