You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
