He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
