got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I touched a dick in church today
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