Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
