No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
