Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
