Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
