I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Can I color on your dick again?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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