I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
We named our party play list daddy issues
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
