I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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