I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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