Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
