just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
