Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
