I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
