this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Enjoy the penises
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
