remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
