Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
