i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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