The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
