No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
