I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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