I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize