Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
