dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize