I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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