We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
