my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
