Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
