just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
