so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
