how can u be prego again
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
