You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
