remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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