I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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