So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
