If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
