Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
