I smell stomach acid.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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