Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
