I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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